The REOFFENDERS

Katie Tefal - Drums

Katie slaps the skins for the REOFFENDERS following on an illustrious pedigree of reoffending beatmasters. Her speed and strength, invaluable to the high-octane punk scene, has been forged through her years working in the media as a stunt double. Who can forget her elastic gymnastics featuring so highly in action movies like "A Room With a View", "Pride and Prejudice", and "Paddington goes to the Seaside". And on TV, Katie still specialises in action consultancy for washing powder and general cleaning fluid action sequences. And it can now be revealed that Katie is indeed "the legs of the Marmite lady", in the award-winning adverts still popular on television screens right across the Balkans.

Bully 'Baby' Belling - Bass

Bully "Baby" Belling is the most accomplished musician ever to grace the REOFFENDERS line-up. Indeed, its been a huge task to get the man who taught Westlife how to play all their instruments to be able to fit into the "loser" style of the REOFFENDERS. Mr Indesit's kind offer to "smash his hands with a hammer and staple his eyelids down", though attractive as a quick fix to the skills imbalance in the guitar section was finally rejected in favour of the cunning device of smearing sticky Marmite along the bass frets to make it damn near impossible to play anything that resembles a tune.